Season 8- MSG Episode 54-Are "You" Too Old For Another Baby?

Are "You" Too Old Too Old For Another Baby? | S8 E54

At 40, 50, or even 60 -- is having another baby a bold act of legacy, or are we letting our ego write a check that biology and reality can't cash?

In this episode of Money Sex Gen X, Eric and Stew go all the way in on one of the most personal decisions a person can make later in life. They cover the male and female perspectives equally, and are not pulling punches on either side. 

The data on paternal age and child health risk is something most men have never heard. The financial math of raising a teenager while collecting Social Security is something most couples have never done. And the question of who a baby at 52 is actually for -- the child or the parent -- is a conversation most people are having in private, if at all.

They also get into what happens when one partner wants it and the other is done, the burden it places on the kids already in the house, and the real difference between legacy and ego.

Find us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube, and all major platforms. Leave us a review. You know we read them.

Upton Law
At Upton Law, PLLC, We Specialize In Business, Bankruptcy, And Real Estate Law.

Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a commission at no extra cost to you.

Transcript

Copy Transcript Copied

Are "You" Too Old For Another Baby?

[00:00:00] 

[00:00:00] Eric: Good morning, Chicago and the rest of the world. Welcome to the Money Sex Gen X podcast. I'm your host with the most, the man with the Plan, the Scotty Pimpin podcast Pimpin, Mr. Eric mlo. And guess what? am joined by the G of Genius Lab Music Mogul in the Making the

[00:00:27] @ProfessorStew: Mm-hmm.

[00:00:28] Eric: She Wallace

[00:00:29] @ProfessorStew: Wow.

[00:00:30] Eric: of Podcast Knowledge.

[00:00:31] Eric: My homie, my brother, co-host, big Stew.

[00:00:37] @ProfessorStew: What's to e Money, man? How are you

[00:00:41] Eric: brother?

[00:00:42] @ProfessorStew: all? Is well excited to be here doing this show with you?

[00:00:47] Eric: Yeah, likewise man. I've been looking forward to this one. We gonna really get into some things today. Sure.

[00:00:54] @ProfessorStew: Yes, sir.

[00:00:56] Eric: Hey, if you're returning with us on MSG, I wanna invite you [00:01:00] to subscribe to our YouTube channel, which here has jumping,

[00:01:06] @ProfessorStew: We cracked a code. We,

[00:01:09] Eric: I'm

[00:01:09] @ProfessorStew: have literally cracked a code. I was thinking about it. EI honestly, I think we hit, you know, and to all of you, any of you ever considering a podcast know this, we learned, um, that any podcast that has over 20 episodes is considered in the top 1% of podcasts.

[00:01:32] Eric: no doubt.

[00:01:32] @ProfessorStew: The, the MSG podcast has over 80 episodes,

[00:01:36] Eric: Yes sir.

[00:01:37] @ProfessorStew: just episodes alone.

[00:01:39] Eric: Yep.

[00:01:40] @ProfessorStew: And e-money has been diligent and intentional in getting out and, and sharing our content across all platforms. And I just wanna say to you all, if you're considering a podcast. You gotta have some sticktuitiveness

[00:01:57] Eric: Mm-hmm.

[00:01:57] @ProfessorStew: and be consistent. I think [00:02:00] e-money, we cracked an algorithmic code because mud gates, the water faucet is on.

[00:02:10] Eric: True indeed.

[00:02:11] @ProfessorStew: Paul, you know what? What cam say, what Dame say, pause. The flood gates are open.

[00:02:19] Eric: Yes, sir. And I gotta, I gotta salute you, Stu. You know, you're a genius because I, the way that you took, took those clips, like it's a lot of shorts. That's, I mean, they are going crazy. One of 'em, I think has almost two or three thou hundred thousand views. It was about being an alpha male, sometimes I think so concretely about certain things.

[00:02:43] Eric: I didn't even make the connection between the clips that you were putting up in our content. With that the last couple of times I'm like, oh, there's a direct connection. I just didn't see it. So thank you to you. Uh, due to your efforts and your vision, . This [00:03:00] month we got almost 300,000 views on our YouTube channel,

[00:03:04] @ProfessorStew: Just as

[00:03:05] Eric: 1300 new subscribers.

[00:03:08] @ProfessorStew: absolutely. So let's put that in perspective. You, if you go back and look at episode 51, we were at 200 episode, uh, 200 subscribers.

[00:03:20] Eric: Yeah,

[00:03:20] @ProfessorStew: is episode 54,

[00:03:24] Eric: yeah,

[00:03:25] @ProfessorStew: and we're at, we're at approximately 1600 subscribers.

[00:03:32] Eric: That's right.

[00:03:34] @ProfessorStew: Thanks to you guys. Thanks

[00:03:36] Eric: views.

[00:03:36] @ProfessorStew: the content. Thanks for buying into what we are selling. Thank you for smelling what we are cooking.

[00:03:46] @ProfessorStew: Appreciate you, appreciate y'all.

[00:03:48] Eric: And, and the whole thing is this, and we're gonna dive into the episode in one second though. The thing about money, sex Gen X is this, our whole thing is we are dealing with three main things.

[00:03:58] @ProfessorStew: Yeah.

[00:03:58] Eric: if you rock with that, [00:04:00] cool, we, we want you to continue to do that. It's about

[00:04:04] @ProfessorStew: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

[00:04:08] Eric: Who am I? Who could I be? Who do I want to be? And it's also about building wealth.

[00:04:13] @ProfessorStew: Yeah.

[00:04:13] Eric: of our content falls in those three categories,

[00:04:17] @ProfessorStew: Yeah.

[00:04:17] Eric: that resonates with you, definitely tap in. Now, I want to do this too before we dive in. So our streaming numbers are up as well, so we are going crazy on streams.

[00:04:28] Eric: I want to give a shout out to our new friends in Ashburn, Virginia, which I mentioned last week, is in northern va, about 45 minutes outside of dc. Dallas, Texas is going crazy.

[00:04:40] @ProfessorStew: Wow. Come on, V.

[00:04:43] Eric: Stew, uh, Japan as well as, and I got a buddy out here now, um, South Africa

[00:04:50] @ProfessorStew: Hey, look, let me say I got a, there's a, there's a strong possibility that I'll be out in VA next [00:05:00] weekend. I know I'll be in Dallas in June. Um. I'd love to get to Vietnam, you know, and of course, Joe Berg is on my must visit list.

[00:05:14] Eric: Yeah,

[00:05:15] @ProfessorStew: of you listeners in those areas, if you want MSG to come to your city, please let us, we will come.

[00:05:25] @ProfessorStew: We're looking for a spot to pull up at. So if you want us to come to your city, let us know. Help us navigate your city. And, uh, we, we, we plan to pull up somewhere in this, in the, in the near future. In the very near future. And I can tell you, let me just add this. Let me tell you, shout out to all those cities.

[00:05:51] @ProfessorStew: Shout out to all your viewers. We plan, here's what we're planning to do. We want to come do a live episode afterwards. We will [00:06:00] network e-money and I will be on the turntables. We will have cocktails and small bites and network and get to know you guys up close and personal. So

[00:06:15] Eric: And that's, that's what's up. And, and, and look, you might not think this, but uh, me and Stu like to have fun. We

[00:06:21] @ProfessorStew: we do,

[00:06:21] Eric: serious topics on here sometimes, but we, you come, you know, hang out. We gonna have a good time.

[00:06:26] @ProfessorStew: we gonna have a blast how to do that.

[00:06:28] Eric: gonna have some that, so, all right, let's do that. I, I love that.

[00:06:32] Eric: So. Man, today is episode 54. Season eight.

[00:06:39] @ProfessorStew: Yeah.

[00:06:40] Eric: Are you too old for another

[00:06:46] @ProfessorStew: Gee wiz.

[00:06:49] Eric: Yeah, man. Are you too old for another baby?

[00:06:51] @ProfessorStew: And, and that's,

[00:06:52] Eric: out there wondering about that.

[00:06:54] @ProfessorStew: that's coming from two guys who are, uh, digging in those fifties real heavy right now.[00:07:00] 

[00:07:00] Eric: True indeed. Man, I just turned 53, so I'm, I'm moving right along. And, and guess what? I'm, I'm one of these people, so if you all are new to me, like I've had, I have three beautiful children.

[00:07:11] @ProfessorStew: Yeah.

[00:07:12] Eric: I have, and here's why we wanted to do the episode. It's so relevant. So I had my first child at 30, which is kind of old in the, you know, in the bigger scheme of things.

[00:07:21] Eric: Sometimes people look at it that way. Next child I had at 35.

[00:07:25] @ProfessorStew: Okay.

[00:07:26] Eric: All right. My son, uh, Eric Junior. My daughter, Asia was the one at 30, and then my last child, little Calvin I had at 48.

[00:07:35] @ProfessorStew: yeah. You know, E-Money, E Hey, listen, E-Money is my friend. Um, if you, if you know, you know how we met. But, um, at any rate, so he has, he just described to you his situation and just like that I had my first child at 30. Um, and I'm a couple of years older than E, but not much. Just two years. Had my first child at [00:08:00] 30.

[00:08:00] @ProfessorStew: I thought that was a, you know, that is late. Most of my guys were about 30. They were, they kids were grown. Um, my second child at 33, my third child, um, I don't know, you know, 30, you know, 38 I think, or something like that.

[00:08:21] Eric: Okay.

[00:08:22] @ProfessorStew: But then I had a two for one

[00:08:25] Eric: Hmm.

[00:08:27] @ProfessorStew: at 48. The twin

[00:08:29] Eric: Twins at

[00:08:30] @ProfessorStew: 48. Twins at 48.

[00:08:34] Eric: That's heavy.

[00:08:35] @ProfessorStew: And, and, and, and you know, what's interesting to me is that there are still opportunities, um, to have more children to it.

[00:08:49] @ProfessorStew: It is a question. It is a question about my willingness. So this is a, this is a great topic. Um, [00:09:00] this is a great topic. I'm, I'm not, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm gonna let you roll it. You are the director. Uh, I know you already got it popping, so that's why I'm gonna leave it for that. Yeah,

[00:09:11] Eric: Okay. And I hope to hear more about the questions about your willingness and what that maybe in Stew's moment of transparency. We might get some of that you all, if we're lucky today.

[00:09:21] @ProfessorStew: yeah.

[00:09:21] Eric: be on the lookout for it.

[00:09:23] @ProfessorStew: Okay.

[00:09:23] Eric: Um, now here's the thing I want you to understand. If you're younger, right?

[00:09:27] Eric: So if you're a young man, you probably like, well, I, this don't really apply to me, but it's something to think about for down the road, because I'm gonna just keep it 1000000% honest here. Here's how it goes down. You get older, most men like to deal with younger women, when you start getting deep into the relationship, basically what you're told is, I'm gonna need you to bust down and, and gimme a baby. I'm gonna need you to do that. and they might say it nicer. I, I want a [00:10:00] baby and I've always wanted a child, or I wanna, but basically what you're being told is I'm going to need you to have another Now, talking negatively about anybody or anything, like I'm just telling you what my experience has been.

[00:10:18] @ProfessorStew: Yeah.

[00:10:18] Eric: not necessarily a lot of regard for the children that you already have,

[00:10:24] @ProfessorStew: Yeah.

[00:10:24] Eric: I say that, I'm not saying they don't care about your children, but what I'm saying is they're not thinking well, like this guy already has two or three kids. They're concerned about the child that they are looking for now.

[00:10:37] Eric: That's my experience. Stu, what about you?

[00:10:41] @ProfessorStew: It's, it's similar. It's, it's, it's, it is spot on. You're right. And I think, I think it's fair. So let me, first of all, we, we have women, we have Gen X women that watch too. And, and let me be honest, I know that's part of the conversation is [00:11:00] not really for you all. So you can stop frowning your faces. 'cause I know y'all frowning, y'all faces out there at this.

[00:11:07] @ProfessorStew: But Eric is right, as the older we get. Yes. Um, we, we do tend to date a little younger and, but I'm feeling, I'm understanding women who are like, quote unquote disregarding our previous children. I think that that's fair. That like them, your kids, them not my, I want my, especially if it's a young lady that I.

[00:11:32] @ProfessorStew: Either has, she's younger, but she has children that are already older or she's younger and has no children.

[00:11:39] Eric: that's right.

[00:11:40] @ProfessorStew: understand that from, from them. Doesn't mean that I always agree with it, but I definitely understand where that's coming from. Yeah.

[00:11:49] Eric: And again, that's not a negative comment, but we keep it real. We're gonna keep it true to our experiences on this episode. Right. And again, it's not like they don't care about it. No. It's more [00:12:00] about, I need my child

[00:12:02] @ProfessorStew: Yeah.

[00:12:03] Eric: to have. And

[00:12:04] @ProfessorStew: Our.

[00:12:04] Eric: not necessarily weighing in, this guy has two or three kids.

[00:12:08] Eric: How is that going to play out? Not really thinking about that. And so what I want to give the younger guys on here, something to think about is you do need to think about that, right? Whether it's being thought about for on your behalf or not, want you to think about it. Now, I'm not gonna beat the dead horse with that, but I just wanted to put that out there too.

[00:12:29] @ProfessorStew: Well, and you've heard me say in episodes e that, you know, um, and so this isn't Sue's moment of transparency, but it's just a, you know, I'm married in my twenties and I, I just think that I probably should have waited to get married until, you know, maybe I was 40, you know, I really believe that. And so that automatically means then if, if in fact I'm doing it as I envision in my head, getting married at [00:13:00] 40, probably, you know, I didn't have any, you know, I don't have any kids until, oh, now I'm 40, you know?

[00:13:07] @ProfessorStew: Uh, and so you already, now you pushing that stereotype of what's appropriate for a man when it comes to having children. So I. Yeah, I think guys, um, you know, this is definitely something to think about because we know that men can, in many cases, still produce children at older ages. So,

[00:13:34] Eric: Indeed

[00:13:35] @ProfessorStew: and I know you've done search around this,

[00:13:38] Eric: True indeed. You know, I got my actual facts and ladies, you know, we love you. This is really about looking at it, things from another perspective, so I'll just say for myself before I get into these actual factuals, it's really about not necessarily, I'm not regretting having children at an older age, but sometimes I do have those moments too, where I'm like, was this really a [00:14:00] good choice at this point in my life? 50 years old. We're gonna talk about some of the things that's going on in the life of a 50-year-old man as to why I'm saying that, but we'll get into it. So let's dive into these actual factuals,

[00:14:17] @ProfessorStew: okay.

[00:14:17] Eric: So here's a couple of statistics about men that are pretty interesting. I don't think it's anything mind blowing, but, uh, men can father, children well into their sixties and seventies. There's really no biological cutoff, So, and you see that you're seeing people that are 60 and 70 years old men that are having children, and, you know, with these, with younger women, Uh, children of fathers who are 45 years and up face higher rates of autism, schizophrenia, and rare genetic Now I wonder about this. Is this more, um, by [00:15:00] race? I know if I see a lot of that in the black community in terms of older fathers and their children having some of these issues. Have you seen that Stu?

[00:15:09] @ProfessorStew: Yeah, uh, especially with the high rates of autism.

[00:15:12] Eric: Autism? Okay,

[00:15:13] @ProfessorStew: Yeah, and I do think it's a part of the conversation. It's a quiet conversation, but there are, you know, when we talk about young men, older men, dating younger women, and I was teasing with the older or the women who are frowning on that conversation. You know, the truth is that some younger women, like older men, and so,

[00:15:40] Eric: I.

[00:15:40] @ProfessorStew: um, I haven't done the research, I haven't done the actual factuals, but I would like to know, and maybe some of you out there can put in the comments, do some research for us.

[00:15:51] @ProfessorStew: I, I, I do see higher rates of autism in the African American black community. I'm not sure where that [00:16:00] is coming from. I don't know if anything, any of that has anything to do with older men, fathering these children.

[00:16:08] Eric: Got, I know Stu, you're an educator, so you're like, you have a front seat to a lot of these things. So yeah, I appreciate you bringing that up.

[00:16:16] @ProfessorStew: And, and let me also just, you know, just one small caveat. So, um, it is, and by the way, it is Autism Awareness Month in April.

[00:16:24] Eric: Oh.

[00:16:25] @ProfessorStew: Yeah. So where you're blue, blue for autism au you know, autism awareness month. But autism is also a spectrum. And, you know, there are high functioning folks with autism and then there's low functioning.

[00:16:40] @ProfessorStew: So autism is a spectrum. Just because your child is autistic, it doesn't mean that you're doomed or your child has it. It is not a, it's not a conviction, it's just, it is what it is. And, and so just understand that autism is a spectrum.

[00:16:58] Eric: I'm gonna try to say [00:17:00] this in a way that's not polarizing, but I do feel like a lot of people are joking more about themselves possibly being on the spectrum. I know it's seen as sort of funny or whatever, but I think that's something that I'm noticing more and more people having those types of jokes or almost self-deprecating or whatever.

[00:17:20] @ProfessorStew: Mm.

[00:17:20] Eric: kind of shows us how prevalent is in, in just everyday conversations now.

[00:17:27] @ProfessorStew: Yeah.

[00:17:27] Eric: very

[00:17:28] @ProfessorStew: Yeah. Hmm. I wonder what the list to say.

[00:17:33] Eric: you wonder what

[00:17:34] @ProfessorStew: I wonder what the listeners have to say about that.

[00:17:36] Eric: I do too? I wonder, I wonder that as well. Like, are we really, and this is probably a whole nother episode, but it's like, are we clear about what autism actually is

[00:17:45] @ProfessorStew: Mm.

[00:17:46] Eric: versus what we may think it is and you know, why are we, why are we going down that road?

[00:17:51] Eric: It'd be interesting though. All right, so let me get to this next stat. So. that are 45 years and older are also [00:18:00] supposedly linked to 14% higher risk of premature birth. These are just stats that I research. I don't know

[00:18:08] @ProfessorStew: Yeah. Yeah. I dunno.

[00:18:10] Eric: Supposed to drop one or two, uh, 2% per year, stew after 30, which can affect a man's energy, drive, mood, et cetera.

[00:18:20] Eric: Now you're young. Again, this doesn't apply to you. Something to think about later on your testosterone could drop, which affects your entire life, Stu.

[00:18:29] @ProfessorStew: Yeah, I think it's important. It's, yeah, I think it's gonna be important for men. Just know, continue to stay active, as active as you can for, for your own, whether you're talking about having children or not. Just as you get older, stay active, get in the gym, move around. 'cause you don't want to get, uh, sedentary.

[00:18:46] @ProfessorStew: So.

[00:18:47] Eric: That's right. Now just a couple of quick female stats. They say that fertility drops sharply at 35. So if a females having a child, older women, 40 plus and higher [00:19:00] face more ge uh, gestational diabetes, preeclampsia and chromo chromosome chromosomal risk, I guess that's a risk related to the chromosome development of the fetus. And the last one I'll share here is the maternal mortality rate

[00:19:17] @ProfessorStew: Yeah.

[00:19:17] Eric: that are 40 plus

[00:19:19] @ProfessorStew: Yeah.

[00:19:19] Eric: 4% higher than women in their twenties. Now, I came on here, still frame this more so around men having children at a older age, but there's a lot of females out there that are older saying, you know what, should I have another baby? Have you heard or been part of those conversations? A woman that's 40 and up that's saying, you know what? I think I might want one more baby.

[00:19:47] @ProfessorStew: Yep.

[00:19:48] Eric: Okay.

[00:19:49] @ProfessorStew: Yes and yes.

[00:19:51] Eric: Okay. All

[00:19:52] @ProfessorStew: Yeah. Yes, yes. I've heard it, uh, to the point where I'm not surprised to hear it [00:20:00] anymore. It's, um, well, we know, we, what I believe is that women connect their femininity to their ability to birth a child. And if they. I would imagine, particularly if they don't have any children, they may have subscribed to the fact that they are not gonna have any children, or they may be looking at, you know, other alternatives to have a children IVFs, you know, whatever the case may be.

[00:20:36] @ProfessorStew: Um, because I think it's important to a, a set of women that they have a child. Now, ladies, I'm, I'm, I'm not attempting to speak for you guy. Uh, for you ladies, I don't wanna pretend like I know the, the female experience, so please chime in. I don't want to put my foot in my mouth in this conversation about that, particularly when it comes [00:21:00] to women's issues and, but that's my understanding from an experience level.

[00:21:06] Eric: Indeed, and, and you know, ladies, I'm sure Stu is gonna put up some, some shorts or some clips on YouTube that'll give you that opportunity to respond. I really want to hear about that from you all as

[00:21:16] @ProfessorStew: Yeah.

[00:21:16] Eric: Now, Stu, I'm gonna put my financial advisor hat on.

[00:21:19] @ProfessorStew: Okay. Okay.

[00:21:21] Eric: about, you know, sort of biological, but what about the financial reality? We gotta talk about that. It's cost a lot of money, my brother. $310,000. That's the number that I researched to raise a child through age 18 in today's dollars. And that does not include College I would actually say it's probably more than that, but at least 300 k.

[00:21:49] @ProfessorStew: Yeah. What did you do the math on what that is? Um, per year. What does that come down to? My, my, I'm not the human calculator,

[00:21:58] Eric: I'll do that real quick.[00:22:00] 

[00:22:00] @ProfessorStew: so three divided by 18.

[00:22:03] Eric: Yeah, that's a good, that's good. 17,000 a year.

[00:22:09] @ProfessorStew: Okay.

[00:22:10] Eric: So you gotta ask yourself, fellas, do you have an additional 17 to $20,000 per year to have another

[00:22:23] @ProfessorStew: You know, we are here on the MSG podcast Brothers. We are all high value men. Um, you know, my hope is that if you're put in that situation, you got the wherewithal to know how to get to it. Um, Eric has three children. I have five children. Yes, it costs money to do this. Um, that's a lot of money. But EI will say that's not a reason to not have children.

[00:22:58] @ProfessorStew: It is a consideration to make, [00:23:00] um, and it's a strong one, an extra 17 KA year, extra 20 KA year. Just imagine if somebody was like, Hey, you gotta start paying an extra 20 KA year today. It was like, yo, what? Okay.

[00:23:15] Eric: Something to think about.

[00:23:16] @ProfessorStew: But we are resilient, you know? Um, and if the social security retirement age is 67, what do you have to say about that?

[00:23:27] Eric: Oh man. I mean, that's something to think about. So I mean, there's a little bit of preparation that you're supposed to be doing, especially in your fifties, right? So if you're gonna retire 67 and you're 52, 53, you only got, what, 14 years to finish getting ready. And I say finish 'cause hopefully you already started, finish getting ready to retire.

[00:23:53] @ProfessorStew: And you and I have had, you and I have had this conversation, I know you look forward to retirement and [00:24:00] I've talked, I've talked about like, I'm living in my retirement now.

[00:24:04] Eric: Okay.

[00:24:05] @ProfessorStew: I, I, I imagine that, you know, even doing this podcast as much fun as we're having doing it, it's, it's work. And I don't mind doing the type of work that I do, um, until my last breath.

[00:24:19] @ProfessorStew: So, you know, I think I'm gonna be getting to it, working in some capacity until I can't anymore. But some people are looking forward to that age where they can, you know, just sit back and let the direct deposit hit.

[00:24:36] Eric: That's right. That's right. And I'm one of 'em. I'm one of 'em. So, yeah, Hey, and guess what? You know, I don't, I would say this, I don't think any of these stu are reasons to not another baby, like Stu said. And like I'm saying, like it, these are just things to think about. It's okay to think about it.

[00:24:56] @ProfessorStew: Well, well, lemme Yeah, lemme ask you this. Let me just, let me just [00:25:00] ask, let's ask, let's just jump in. I mean, at your age, would you have another child eat money?

[00:25:05] Eric: I would not, and, and also I'm not able to, so I, I elected to do something very serious, very serious, that we did a whole entire episode on, we did an episode called. Should you a vasectomy? Right? And if you, you know, for you all, you might be young, you might what, what, what's a vasectomy? is when you have a procedure where you're no longer able to have And I elected to have that procedure. I would say it's been about two years now. I struggled with the decision, but you know, ultimately I was like, you know what, baby factory is closed.

[00:25:53] @ProfessorStew: It's close, huh?

[00:25:55] Eric: it's done.

[00:25:56] @ProfessorStew: you, would you, would you, if you, if you ran into [00:26:00] a windfall of money, if you ran into $50 million, would you still feel the same way?

[00:26:11] Eric: I think so. I, I, 'cause for me, I don't, it's not really about money is a consideration, but it, I would say it's probably lower on the consideration list. It's really more about, there's a lot of time,

[00:26:25] @ProfessorStew: Yeah.

[00:26:26] Eric: and of course you enjoy spending time with your children, but you gotta start thinking, and we gonna get into this in a minute, but like if you're 50 years old, you're probably helping to care for a parent.

[00:26:36] @ProfessorStew: Mm,

[00:26:37] Eric: You might be helping care for both of your parents. And so you're taking care of your parent as well as care of children.

[00:26:47] @ProfessorStew: I did not.

[00:26:48] Eric: I'm, I'm gonna give you all the jewels, especially your young brothers. Don't get it twisted, even though somebody might come to you and push this, you know, kind of say, Hey, I want to have another [00:27:00] baby. Want you to understand something once you go through with it. All of the expectations are going to be on you to be the best parent can possibly be. They it, they don't care if you're 68, you're expected to show up at the the games you're expected to go to the PTA conferences, you're expected to pick up and drop off from school.

[00:27:26] Eric: And you might be like, well, I'm doing all that now. It ain't that big of a deal, how big of a deal is it when you are 53 or 55 and hey, you might just be a hell of a person where it's not even a big deal then, but it is again, something stew to think about. Something to think about

[00:27:49] @ProfessorStew: Is that

[00:27:49] Eric: a smile.

[00:27:50] Eric: I.

[00:27:52] @ProfessorStew: it? I mean, you know, you're right. Um, I think about sometimes in my mind, in my, in my crazy [00:28:00] brain that, you know, I can earn enough money to have, that's what the nanny is for. You know, like, uh, but I know it's not, it's not totally. I think your point is right, but you're right, man. Like, um, I'm not running on the football field.

[00:28:19] @ProfessorStew: I'm not chasing, you know, Kevin Hart did a bit about older men chasing behind those, those young babies, you know, I get it, man. The knees ain't knee like they used to. The energy is, is, is different than in my thirties. That is true. You know, and so, yeah, I think there is the expectation maybe that if, uh, you're gonna have another child, you're expected to be fully present.

[00:28:49] Eric: True indeed. And, and one thing that Stu and I both know, and we all know this as parents, is not just having a child. You're participating in the development of a [00:29:00] human being. A very, very deep and long cycle that you gotta be ready to show up and participate in. And we all know to have children like you could have the most amazing child in the world, but they're gonna have some areas of development that may take a while.

[00:29:19] @ProfessorStew: Yeah.

[00:29:19] Eric: you have the same level of patience and stamina that you had in your thirties to go through that journey with this child? Because guess what, Stu, as you know, you're going to be expected to, and guess what? We're men. We wanna participate. It's not like somebody's making us do it. We wanna participate and show up our children. But the question that I'm posing is how able are you to show all the way up at

[00:29:45] @ProfessorStew: Yeah.

[00:29:46] Eric: 53 and 55 years old?

[00:29:49] @ProfessorStew: So then it, I guess it comes like, is it, is it, is it an ego thing or are you tapped into what's really required to be [00:30:00] a responsible parent? Because,

[00:30:05] Eric: Yeah.

[00:30:05] @ProfessorStew: know, to be, to be considered at this age, to have someone's child definitely feels, my ego definitely

[00:30:15] Eric: Really?

[00:30:15] @ProfessorStew: that

[00:30:16] Eric: Okay.

[00:30:16] @ProfessorStew: like, oh man, I, I really still got it. If I got a.

[00:30:21] @ProfessorStew: 40-year-old, you know, a woman that's 10 years younger than me, you know, um, or more, you know, she's a 30-year-old. Something that's like, Hey, you know, I would, I would, I would have, it would be an honor to carry your child. That immediately is feeling my ego. But what I'm hearing you saying is like, nah, I don't let the ego like, look, you got a responsibility.

[00:30:49] @ProfessorStew: Your legacy is involved here. You're raising a human and hopefully you are raising a human that, um, admires you as their dad.[00:31:00] 

[00:31:00] Eric: Mm.

[00:31:01] @ProfessorStew: you can't just, you know, I guess the conversation is not about just dropping seeds off and walking away and letting mom do what mom does. It's really about being a responsible parent as well.

[00:31:16] Eric: Yeah. And that ego thing extends into a lot of things too. I mean, you know, as a man, you want your son to see you as Vero and strong and all that. You don't want to be, oh, I'm tired. And they might wanna go run a pickup game of basketball. Can, can you join them? Like, you don't wanna be like, oh, I can't do that.

[00:31:33] Eric: And you know, something to think about. It really is something to think about.

[00:31:38] @ProfessorStew: It's,

[00:31:39] Eric: yeah. Okay. Now I wanna ask you this, Stu, and share what you feel comfortable sharing. But one of the things I love about women is when they're dealing with us, they know their customer. So they know, okay, this brother, he really ain't, he ain't really trying to do this, but I know him. [00:32:00] I know what I gotta tap into

[00:32:02] @ProfessorStew: Yikes.

[00:32:02] Eric: to get him to consider it and potentially do it. And what I'm asking you is the woman knows her customer, which is Stew, what would she need to tap into for you to consider an opportunity like this at 55 years old? Is it the ego that she would tap into that you were just talking about? Or is it something else?

[00:32:26] @ProfessorStew: Now to be honest, man, for real, like, um, so I know like I'm that parent at, at this stage, um, you know, I don't have the capacity to run that pickup game as much as I would love to. I think what she would need to tell me, so here's the secret. If you, if you want to, if, if you, if you listen to this and you fall in that category, you today, it's like, yo, you'd have to tell me you got it.

[00:32:54] @ProfessorStew: You have to tell me you want a child bad enough, but you got it. Hey, if you can just tell me, [00:33:00] Hey, if you can just show up and at the, at these events, if you can, you know, be available to spend time with your child and, you know, and if you can contribute financially to, you know, what the, the child's needs are.

[00:33:18] @ProfessorStew: The rest of the stuff I got, um, and I had this conversation once with a woman who really wanted a child and she, she really wanted it because she was feeling pressure from her mom, from her mom. And my response was, was, okay, well you and your mom gotta handle it then. You know, I'm not, I'm, I'm, I'm literally saying I, and I said it, I know I'm probably get vilified for this, but I was like, nah, I'm doing the least.

[00:33:52] @ProfessorStew: You know, I'll do the least. I'm not doing the most, but I'll be here. I'm, I'm, I don't mind being present [00:34:00] and, uh, that didn't, that didn't go over too well, so, no, but

[00:34:04] Eric: Okay,

[00:34:05] @ProfessorStew: I'm looking for reasons to kinda get out of it, you know what I mean? I, I, I admit that. Yeah.

[00:34:13] Eric: No, I appreciate that. And I'm gonna tell you something, man, like what you just said. I wish I've been presented with that. Just, you know, I got, we'll take care of it and you know, now I'm gonna tell you what's wrong with that. And I had to learn this and, and you, I, I know you pretty well, right? We're friends.

[00:34:31] Eric: I feel like I know you and tell me if I'm wrong, but we're just not those type of fathers that's going to just be in the background like that. Even if we are, it's gonna hurt. Like we like taking care of our children. We like being part of the process. So. While that sounds good. If somebody else is running the show and you're just in the background, you gotta ask yourself, are you really gonna be okay with that when that's not really what you've [00:35:00] done in the past? here's something I want you all to think about, and this is just coming from experience. You can be in the background, but the things that are being done may not necessarily align with your values. So are you gonna be cool with it? Then you in the background, you chilling and just like what was told to you. guess what? cultural differences or the value systems may be very different. you in the background, are you gonna be good with that? Yes or no? You have to really think about that.

[00:35:34] @ProfessorStew: Um, no, because I still want my voice to be, I'm the man and, and that means I'm the proverbial and literal leader of this household and what happens up in here. But as I say that, I think I want you all to understand that no, I am not in the business of just running around here dropping off children. Um, having kids, like that's not the objective.

[00:35:56] @ProfessorStew: Truly the objective is to build a [00:36:00] strong family. So I think legacy does Trump, like, I want to wake up to my children every day. I understand the importance of, um, your children seeing you in the morning and your children seeing you at night, and your children seeing you treat their mother with a high level of respect and, and, and dignity in class.

[00:36:29] @ProfessorStew: I think that's all part of shaping that human and so. I do think that there are some women out there who are opportunistic, who are very focused only on their biological clocks, and they don't care. They want to feel that womanhood so much that they will and say at least say that they are willing to do it on their own.

[00:36:54] @ProfessorStew: Just if for the shot at having a child, but not just by having a child, but having [00:37:00] by a child, by, um, high quality, high quality brothers.

[00:37:05] Eric: That just made me think about something. I was watching this thing on, um, Netflix called Last Chance University. You

[00:37:13] @ProfessorStew: Oh, I've seen the, I've seen the preview before. Yes.

[00:37:16] Eric: All right. Good show. I watched the basketball one with my son. But anyway, his brother was on there. He was really good in basketball. Stu he actually had an opportunity to go D one, even though he was playing junior, you know, uh, junior college league at that time. His coach. It was a, a young lady that was messing with him and his coach pulled him to the side and he said something that I'll never forget. He said, I know you like this female and all of that. You've got a bright future ahead of you, but I'm gonna tell you something. The kid was like, what? He said, don't let these women breed you. I'm like, breed you.

[00:37:58] @ProfessorStew: Ooh,

[00:37:59] Eric: And the boy was looking at [00:38:00] it. He said, I'm gonna tell you again, don't let these women breed you. And he said, you gotta really think about, he said, what do I mean by that? It means, do you wanna baby you just a, a, a, a mechanism? this ladies, listen. We don't hate women. We love women,

[00:38:20] @ProfessorStew: we love.

[00:38:20] Eric: we're just talking about real things that happen in relationships.

[00:38:24] Eric: Men do things that aren't right. Women do things that aren't right. There are some men that have been put in a situation where they're being breeded to just have a child. woman might not even really know this dude like that. All these different factors, right? But you're being used to get the understanding the seed, and so we gotta be thinking as men, like, you know, what is this all about? You know, if you're coming to me talking about you want to have a baby with me, but our values don't align, you don't even really know my family [00:39:00] like that. You don't really even know my other children. You don't even know really what kind of parent I am. Then I gotta ask myself, what is this really about? Am I being breeded? I'm gonna say this disclaimer for the women that I've had children with, I'm not suggesting that I have been breeded at all.

[00:39:19] @ProfessorStew: Right.

[00:39:20] Eric: I'm just having a conversation, two younger men and those contemplating what's next in their life.

[00:39:30] @ProfessorStew: Um, I like that. I like that. And I think fellas to like, to EE is saying, you know, it is tough to get outta your ego because that feels good, man. It does feel good that that shot of dopamine is a a, a double shot of dopamine, bro. And, but I think to E's point, um, you gotta really think about that. I think that's a very, very valid point, bro.

[00:39:57] @ProfessorStew: Um, because we can get blinded, fellas, you can get [00:40:00] blinded by the ego to hear a, a woman tell you that she wants to have your baby. For sure. For sure. Um, and to your, and to Eve's point of either one of my baby, uh, the mo e either look, I ain't gonna even say baby mamas, either one of the mothers of my children.

[00:40:19] @ProfessorStew: Uh, you, you both are phenomenal and I appreciate, uh, what you do and, and how you raise these kids. Thank you so much. And I'm, and I mean that from the bottom of my heart.

[00:40:32] Eric: Indeed, indeed. No women bashing over here. We

[00:40:35] @ProfessorStew: Yeah,

[00:40:36] Eric: for sure.

[00:40:37] @ProfessorStew: yeah.

[00:40:37] Eric: right, so we touched on a couple of things, and guess what, if you're just tuning in, this is episode 54, season eight. Are you ready for another baby? We're digging in. We're digging in. We talking about some real, real, real life stuff here that I really hope young brothers are listening to.

[00:40:59] Eric: And guess [00:41:00] what? Let's flip it. Women can be breeded stu, right?

[00:41:05] @ProfessorStew: Yeah.

[00:41:05] Eric: Women can be breeded too. I mean, we are just talking about being used get the end product. There's dudes out there that's like, yo, I need to, I want a baby. I want you to have my baby. They don't know the woman like that. All these different factors, but they're looking at that person as a vessel to get what they want, is a baby.

[00:41:27] Eric: And, and sometimes it's really about feeling like you got, I hate to say this, like this, but sometimes people use children to try to trap a person, they, they have to deal with you now for 18 years.

[00:41:41] @ProfessorStew: It's hard for me to understand.

[00:41:42] Eric: that. A lot

[00:41:43] @ProfessorStew: 18 years.

[00:41:44] Eric: too.

[00:41:44] @ProfessorStew: 18 years.

[00:41:46] Eric: Or more. Or more. Like you don't think about that.

[00:41:49] Eric: Like you might be dealing with this person the rest of your life

[00:41:53] @ProfessorStew: Well, you'll,

[00:41:53] Eric: have

[00:41:54] @ProfessorStew: you are, and here, here, here's another thing. Here's something else to consider. I do believe, [00:42:00] I do believe that you are forever a family. And I've, I've had this conversation.

[00:42:06] Eric: extent, yeah, you are.

[00:42:08] @ProfessorStew: You will, we may not be together, particularly if we, if we break up right. You may say, Hey, we're not together. But you must understand, and I think this really is helpful if you can understand to those, to that child or to those children.

[00:42:23] @ProfessorStew: That's the family. That's my mom, that's my dad, that's my family. I do think it's important to treat it as such. So, um, when I talk about my family today, because I have two mothers of my children, that's my family, right? That's, I, I got my mother, you know, I got this and I got this, but this is my family.

[00:42:51] Eric: Right.

[00:42:53] @ProfessorStew: please consider that for sure, for sure.

[00:42:55] @ProfessorStew: You not only, you might deal with them for, for the rest of the, you [00:43:00] will, you will. Will be grown.

[00:43:02] Eric: some capacity.

[00:43:04] @ProfessorStew: Yes. Yes.

[00:43:06] Eric: dealing with that

[00:43:06] @ProfessorStew: Hopefully they, they call on you still, I mean, yes, a hundred percent bro. A hundred percent.

[00:43:14] Eric: So about, okay, so we've touched on a few things here. We've talked about male ego. I don't really think we've touched on this as much, but I want to get into to the second, a leg about legacy. We talked a little bit about female pressure, so that's twofold. There's women have pressure from society and you know, even their family to have a child.

[00:43:35] Eric: But then also females can put pressure on you as the man that they're dealing with and saying, Hey, I want another baby. I will say those conversations do tend to come up pretty early because they're looking at it like it's no point in me going, but so far with this brother, if he's not willing to do that,

[00:43:52] @ProfessorStew: Yeah.

[00:43:53] Eric: you know

[00:43:53] @ProfessorStew: Yeah. No, that's, that's real. I had a. I had an experience recently with, [00:44:00] um, you know, before the first week

[00:44:02] Eric: of transparency, brother. Let's do it. All right.

[00:44:06] @ProfessorStew: and, um, out the gate, the question was asked immediately, Hey, you know how, you know how when you first get to know somebody, you know, you ask those basic questions, Hey, so what do you do? Or, you know, Hey, where do you live? You know, what part, where have you traveled? Have you had a vasectomy?

[00:44:28] Eric: Wow, was asked to you brother.

[00:44:31] @ProfessorStew: Have you had a vasectomy?

[00:44:33] Eric: I really would love to know what made ass that.

[00:44:38] @ProfessorStew: Well, I, and that was my response. What made you ask that?

[00:44:42] Eric: Okay.

[00:44:43] @ProfessorStew: What made you ask that? Well, I'm. I'm still in the, I, I want a baby. I don't have any children, and I'm, I still want a baby, and I'm considering you because [00:45:00] you are somebody I think that I would want to have a baby by.

[00:45:04] Eric: Wow. Yeah.

[00:45:07] @ProfessorStew: and then I, I then I had to get into, well, hey, look, I've been married.

[00:45:13] @ProfessorStew: I have three children here, but wait, there's more after that. I had, you know, a two for one.

[00:45:19] Eric: Mm-hmm.

[00:45:20] @ProfessorStew: the response was, I don't care.

[00:45:25] Eric: And that's the problem. They never care about that until later.

[00:45:32] @ProfessorStew: I don't care. I have, I don't have anything to do with that. What we doing, what we doing.

[00:45:37] Eric: care though. One thing we gotta get clear brothers out there when they say they don't care, you better believe this from me and Stu and our, they will care later. You have no idea what kind of conversations come up later about the current child and the other children. It's, it's a, it's a million different conversations that you

[00:45:58] @ProfessorStew: you cannot do for [00:46:00] one. And yeah, you cannot do for one and all.

[00:46:02] Eric: That's the primary conversation right there. Well, you did this for the other one then you gotta be ready for that. Tell him

[00:46:10] @ProfessorStew: Yeah. And if you're

[00:46:11] Eric: here's the thing too. We, we gotta get to this, like, we keep saying this, but it's so important comes up. You, you did do that for the other kids, but you might not be able to do it for this one.

[00:46:23] Eric: Or guess what? I'm gonna keep it all the way funky on this.

[00:46:26] @ProfessorStew: Oh,

[00:46:27] Eric: wanna do it.

[00:46:28] @ProfessorStew: oh.

[00:46:29] Eric: wanna do it because you might be tired or you just are tired general. Like parents get tired, there's parental fatigue. That's the thing,

[00:46:40] @ProfessorStew: Yeah. Yeah.

[00:46:41] Eric: not wanna do it. You love your child, but you ain't trying to do all that this time.

[00:46:47] @ProfessorStew: Well, this is a, this is a deep conversation because now what opened, you know, and I know this is not the topic, the topic of this show is, you know, are what it was it, are you too old to [00:47:00] have another child? But, you know, we are talking about, in some instances right now, we're talking about younger women who probably don't have any children.

[00:47:12] @ProfessorStew: But it's also, there are some women who, maybe they had children younger, and now they're older, but they're still young. You get that maybe a, maybe women had a, a child at, at 20, you know, and now the child is 25 and they, you know, they, or 20 themselves and they're still kind of like, you know what? I'm still young enough.

[00:47:37] @ProfessorStew: I want, I want another child. We are not talking about the part where we, the man will still have to consider their child and we already have children and they want a new child

[00:47:52] Eric: that's right.

[00:47:53] @ProfessorStew: that's complex.

[00:47:55] Eric: It's very complex and I'm glad you brought that up. And I'm, and I'm [00:48:00] actually talking about, I'm glad you brought that. I'm talking about, I've been in both situations. I've dealt with the woman who has no children yet and they're trying to have a child and why wouldn't they wanna have a child?

[00:48:10] Eric: It's a beautiful thing. I get

[00:48:11] @ProfessorStew: Hey, we handsome brothers

[00:48:12] Eric: that, but

[00:48:12] @ProfessorStew: some brother. You got a lot going on. You. You good?

[00:48:15] Eric: they?

[00:48:16] @ProfessorStew: Yeah, man. Hey. Yeah,

[00:48:18] Eric: You know, but then I'm also talking about the woman who has children already, one or two children, and they want another one

[00:48:27] @ProfessorStew: with you.

[00:48:28] Eric: Right. With you specifically. And, and I, and one thing that does make you feel good, you know, they know how to stroke your little ego.

[00:48:34] Eric: They're like, yeah, well wanna do this with anybody.

[00:48:38] @ProfessorStew: Anybody?

[00:48:39] Eric: it with you.

[00:48:40] @ProfessorStew: Yeah.

[00:48:40] Eric: And they know how to get you. It's like, oh yeah, you know, I'm, I'm that dude and you know this, that, and the other brothers, you, I don't want this to be negative. You need to be prepared for that type of thing.

[00:48:53] Eric: Because if that comment. Is going to get you to do something that you haven't really thought all the way [00:49:00] out is something to be careful about and women too, right? A

[00:49:05] @ProfessorStew: Yeah.

[00:49:08] Eric: think about it.

[00:49:10] @ProfessorStew: Now I did tell you, I think this is the other student's moment of transparency. I think this is the real one. This just came up as a 55-year-old man, uh, that is raising, uh, doing, doing the best that I can to co-parent and raising 6-year-old twin. I will admit that it is a bit of a stain when, um, on the weekends our peer group is maybe hopping on planes or they popping outside weather's nice and I'm like, I got my kids for the weekend.

[00:49:46] @ProfessorStew: I got my kids weekend and I'm not looking for an additional, I'm not looking for a stepmom. My children have mothers. So I'm not looking for somebody to come in and be [00:50:00] the mom while I'm with my children. I'm looking to establish and have my own experiences with my children, but that can be a little off-putting to women from my experience who are like, well, you busy on the weekends.

[00:50:14] @ProfessorStew: I wanna pop outside. So, you know.

[00:50:19] Eric: that's one of them scenarios.

[00:50:20] @ProfessorStew: Little, um, a little, a little kind of like, I guess, I guess you may call it, and I, I, I don't want to, no. 'cause I don't want my children to see this and, and as they get older and be like, dang. But I, I think I do feel sometimes like a little bit like

[00:50:37] Eric: You feel a little something.

[00:50:38] @ProfessorStew: confined, confined, you know?

[00:50:41] Eric: you're human. You feel a

[00:50:42] @ProfessorStew: Yeah.

[00:50:43] Eric: It's all right. You know what I mean? I, I'll give you another example. I love to travel.

[00:50:48] @ProfessorStew: Yeah.

[00:50:49] Eric: You know, there's people that are my friends, they just jumping on a plane. One of my homies did. I told you you was in South Africa. He ain't asked nobody, nothing.

[00:50:56] Eric: Like needed to help do certain things. [00:51:00] You can't just plan out a trip without a ton of coordination because you're needed for pickup. You're needed to go to the swimming class and this, that, and the other. So you know, you wanna, you wanna ask yourself, do I want to be in that situation where I can't just jump online and buy that ticket? You know,

[00:51:20] @ProfessorStew: If you do it.

[00:51:21] Eric: 55,

[00:51:22] @ProfessorStew: Yeah. And if you do it, you're selfish. If you do,

[00:51:27] Eric: it, there's going to be consequences. I, yeah, there's going to be some type of fallout that, even if it's just, well, daddy, you didn't pick, where were you? The fallout could come from anywhere, right? There's gonna be consequences to that and not necessarily like you shouldn't do it, but. Something's gonna fall through the cracks. Lemme say it like that 'cause you're not there. You're on a trip. So are you, are you good with that? Are you, you wanna deal with that at 53 or 55? Maybe that's not an [00:52:00] issue for you.

[00:52:01] @ProfessorStew: yeah. I think you gotta ask yourself why you, why are you considering, why are you considering it? I, I, I will tell you this, I got, you know, um, my, the twins, our twins were not an accident. Well, we didn't expect to. But the one was not an accident, it was a conversation. Um, um, their mother and I had been dating or been together for two years prior to them being born.

[00:52:28] @ProfessorStew: There was a real conversation with a plan of establishing the rest of our lives, you know, the happily ever after. Um, it didn't pan out so that way, but it wasn't just willy nilly. I'm, Hey guys, that that's not what we're talking. We're, we're talking about responsibility. This is what we're having. Mature conversation.

[00:52:51] @ProfessorStew: We're not just talking about out here, just having just kids with anybody. No, no, no, no, no, no.

[00:52:55] Eric: Yeah,

[00:52:56] @ProfessorStew: No, no, no. That's not who. That's not what we're talking about. We're talking about this is a [00:53:00] conversation, this is a consideration. This is something that you're thinking about and we're, I don't think that you're wrong if you decide to have children at your big age.

[00:53:12] @ProfessorStew: I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Mean, what we're trying to get you all to do is just consider all of the factors before you make such a heavy decision.

[00:53:22] Eric: That's right. And here's the other side of it that we're not really talking about that I do want to present Stu, from my own perspective is it's a really joyful experience to have children just in general. I always tell people I'm more. Because I've had children, and I know that's easy to say, but like I feel like I'm way more successful having had children than I would've been otherwise.

[00:53:46] Eric: I can literally see it because I know who I was before and I see who I was after. Was it pressure? Yes. You got a person depending on 'em, you need to feed 'em and do all these things. It makes you become more, you're more of a man. You're more of [00:54:00] everything. So could have all of these considerations that me and Stu are talking about and it still work out for you because just the energy that that child brings to you. Like my baby, when I go pick him up from school, Stu, that energy is 1 million. You can't even put it, I can't even put it into words. I'm 53. I feel like I'm 30 again, just because he, daddy, how you doing? And he's, you know, he's jumping off that energy is priceless. Right? So again, we're not saying don't do it. We're just saying, and I know, yo, everybody watching this, your movers. Your shakers, your leaders in your own right. We attract other leaders, so you are already thinking about things. We are just asking you to think about this with the same level of detail and explore both sides. That's

[00:54:48] @ProfessorStew: And I think that the other nuance here is that Iani and I are talking about, we're coming from places where, well, I'll, I'll let E speak for himself, but I'm coming from a place where [00:55:00] I am not with the women that I have children with. I think that's a different nuance. If you're talking about having a child with a woman that you're married to or you all are considering being married, husband and wife, you're a bit older, y'all live in the same house, y'all doing it.

[00:55:17] @ProfessorStew: That's a different nuance than,

[00:55:19] Eric: true.

[00:55:20] @ProfessorStew: when you're not married and you are not together with the mother of the children and you're living in separate. Units separate,

[00:55:29] Eric: true.

[00:55:29] @ProfessorStew: you know, places. Those are two different dynamics to consider as well. And I think that actually there were two different kind of conversations, two with different kind of frames of thought.

[00:55:39] @ProfessorStew: When you think about it, I think it's slightly different if, again, if you're married versus if you're having a child with somebody that you're not married. Um, but you've been, you know, you, you haven't had that instance. Um, you've been married when you had your children yet.

[00:55:58] Eric: been married. [00:56:00] Yeah, so, and that's such a great thing to think about. Like you could be married and then the relationship transitions to you not being married,

[00:56:09] @ProfessorStew: Mm-hmm.

[00:56:10] Eric: and so you, yeah, you want to think about that, like, yeah, it's like you said, it's one thing, like you're not together, you're not married, and then you're not going to be, or whatever it is what it is.

[00:56:19] Eric: But yeah, you're married, so you're parenting under one roof, would be a lot easier, you know? It just is in some ways, right? It is just shared responsibility built into the household. But then mommy's in one place. Daddy is somewhere. You have no idea the myriad of situations that come up in that, in that dynamic. It is very interesting.

[00:56:44] @ProfessorStew: Yeah, this is a, this,

[00:56:45] Eric: wanna deal with it.

[00:56:47] @ProfessorStew: this is a great conversation, man.

[00:56:49] Eric: It really is. It really is. And we going, we gonna tie a bow on this. Like, I, I wanna hit a couple more points

[00:56:54] @ProfessorStew: Yeah. Let's go.

[00:56:55] Eric: a, I think we've done a pretty good job and we are expecting you all to give us some feedback on [00:57:00] this. Like, are you ready for another baby?

[00:57:01] Eric: We wanna hear from you. Um, here's one that I've had some issues with Stu. So older kids that you have becoming defacto caretakers

[00:57:13] @ProfessorStew: Oh, no,

[00:57:14] Eric: sign up for that.

[00:57:16] @ProfessorStew: no, no, no, no. Um. So I'm, I'm kind of in that situation now. My oldest daughter, um, I, I don't try to, well, nope, that's not true. I've done it. I've asked her to watch the twins before.

[00:57:36] Eric: Yeah,

[00:57:36] @ProfessorStew: Um, that is not a practice that I want to, um, do all the time. That's not her responsibility. Uh, I do it, try to try to, if I do it, it has to be on a absolute must need.

[00:57:53] @ProfessorStew: It's not just to go out and be, be in the streets or go, no, no, no. It has to [00:58:00] be a very serious reason and she has to be the last resort.

[00:58:05] Eric: sure.

[00:58:06] @ProfessorStew: but no, they did the defacto part. No, no, no, no. You can't do that. That's not fair. That's not fair to that child or those children. Not fair.

[00:58:16] Eric: know what happens every day, and I'll throw this out there, I've actually paid older children to watch younger,

[00:58:24] @ProfessorStew: Yeah.

[00:58:26] Eric: was a little.

[00:58:27] @ProfessorStew: Mm-hmm.

[00:58:29] Eric: Even though being paid, being paid handsomely, I might add,

[00:58:33] @ProfessorStew: yeah.

[00:58:33] Eric: there was still things that came up in therapy or in conversations later that I'm like, wow,

[00:58:41] @ProfessorStew: EI was just saying, and I'm saying this to all our MSGs out there, Hey, look, we as parents have, I don't think for the majority of parents, we've done a good job, um, in considering our children when having relationships. [00:59:00] We, the, the, the, the, the default response is, you know, you hear people, you hear comedians joke about it all the time, f them kids, right?

[00:59:11] Eric: yeah,

[00:59:11] @ProfessorStew: the joke part. But then there's also the default part was like, they'll be okay. And that is not accurate. That is not accurate. That is not accurate.

[00:59:22] Eric: probably won't be okay. Actually

[00:59:23] @ProfessorStew: Yeah. They'll need, they'll need some therapy there, there's some resentment there for sure. And so we have to consider that parents, it's, it's, um, we are not doing a great job in that area when it comes to how we introduce new children to ch existing children or even people that we're dating to our children.

[00:59:44] @ProfessorStew: I think, uh, you should sep keep that as separate from your children as long as you possibly can, if you can, but it is not, I don't think it's fair. And I want to hear what you all have to say in the chat. That you just say, [01:00:00] this is what I'm doing. Deal with it. Nah, nah,

[01:00:03] Eric: Yeah,

[01:00:04] @ProfessorStew: not respond.

[01:00:05] Eric: that verbally or you can say it through your actions. Right, and And it's not received well, I can tell you. Right. It's like, yeah, there needs to be some consideration for those other children. I'm glad you brought that. That's a whole nother, that's a whole episode we probably should do with guests. Maybe our children would join and talk about their experiences. That would be powerful. But I'm gonna, we gonna, we gonna wrap this up Stu. So we really weighed in on this 'cause it's such a big part of our lives. Uh, we're gonna tie this tie bow around this. So my burning question for you all this week is this. If you are older you really keeping it real with yourself and you're like, you know what? I'm older. This woman is making me feel real good right now, but I don't wanna have another baby for real. I really don't. could probably talk me into it, but I don't really want to. My question to you is, if you ultimately [01:01:00] say, nah, I'm good. Are you wrong for that? Nah, I'm good. I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna have baby. Are you.

[01:01:14] @ProfessorStew: You are not wrong. And I think the selfishness of men speaking, uh, as a man, um, we know that saying nah, could mean that you will lose that woman. And that's, that's the, that's very selfish of us. That's very, very selfish of us.

[01:01:40] Eric: Stu said it. Wow.

[01:01:43] @ProfessorStew: Yeah.

[01:01:43] Eric: it. Yeah. You might lose him.

[01:01:45] @ProfessorStew: You might look,

[01:01:46] Eric: him. And can your ego handle

[01:01:48] @ProfessorStew: oh.

[01:01:48] Eric: See, the, that's the thing with us men that we really gotta keep digging into. We got a lot of egotistical stuff going on, You ain't gonna leave. You know, it's like in the back of my mind, it's like, [01:02:00] nah, shorty ain't, you ain't gonna leave me.

[01:02:01] Eric: Like I'm, I'm trying to avoid that and, and it might not be a conscious thought, but you just don't, you, you don't want that. Right. You just can't accept that in your reality. But, you know, if you don't bust down that kid, it's going some, it's gonna be a problem. And she might find another fella that will do it.

[01:02:26] @ProfessorStew: I am trying to be mature about it. Um, the ego is powerful. The ego is powerful. Um, you know, in pre-game I was sharing some information with you that I'm not gonna share now. It's, it's too, it's too hot. I think I'm, you know, I, I know exactly what you mean. And it's all ego right now, brother. It is all ego.

[01:02:53] Eric: That's real.

[01:02:54] @ProfessorStew: Oh, ego. Hey, before we rap though, I gotta say this, man. Shout out to the Jackie [01:03:00] Robinson hat, bro, that you are rocking dog. Look, I know what we doing on this show if y'all ain't paying attention. Me and E, we try to show up. We try to show up in some way, form or fashion. Every episode, E nor E is the fashionista of the show for sure.

[01:03:17] @ProfessorStew: Shout out to the 42 Jackie Robinson Baseball, man. Where'd you get the hat from? Tell us about it a little bit, man.

[01:03:23] Eric: Yeah, man. And I'm gonna tell you, I like Fashion Sto

[01:03:27] @ProfessorStew: Fashionist.

[01:03:29] Eric: for the show. For the show. Look. So I'm gonna tell you the quick story, how I got this hat right. So, um, the Rapper Common has a foundation called Common Ground Foundation. Shout out to them. I have a tech client that was doing some business with Common Ground Foundation and, uh, meeting them and vibing.

[01:03:49] Eric: They were like, yo, we wanna invite you out to this game at Wrigley Field. We are honoring during that game, Jackie Robinson dope. So I'm excited [01:04:00] I get there, right? So I show my little ticket and I'm going in there like, yo, guess what? We got special hats for everybody on the guest list.

[01:04:10] @ProfessorStew: Wow.

[01:04:10] Eric: lemme tell you something, black people.

[01:04:11] Eric: That's why I love it so much. When I saw everybody rocking these hats, it was beautiful. Everybody had, they, they cubs, jerseys on. It looked super dope. I'm telling you, I, I wanna get the photos from that event.

[01:04:24] @ProfessorStew: Yeah.

[01:04:25] Eric: because one side of the stadium was like a sea of all these hats, you know what I mean?

[01:04:30] Eric: It was beautiful. So yeah, thank you. Common Ground Foundation for that whole experience. It was a great, and they actually received an award that day the owners of the Cubs, so I got a chance to see that. So yeah, that was dope. That was nice.

[01:04:46] @ProfessorStew: Stove concept. It worked. It worked. It worked. It worked. And I feel that, I feel like we, I was there. Um, so yeah. Thanks for, thanks for rocking the hat, man. That's,

[01:04:56] Eric: I appreciate you brother. So, so [01:05:00] Stu, we got one more segment to get

[01:05:02] @ProfessorStew: yeah.

[01:05:02] Eric: we, we got long today, but let's just do this real quick. So this is my favorite thing to do and it's called characters from corporate. If you are a new MSG characters from corporate is our time to talk about situations that you might be going through in corporate. We offer a little feedback and we figure out are you the character is it the people you're working with, or is it both? All right, so this week our submission is, uh, I'm a 47-year-old black man, senior director of operations at a mid-size logistics company based in San Diego, California. Okay. Now let me say this real quick.

[01:05:40] Eric: If you have not been to San Diego, get there asap. Get there asap. That's probably the one, not probably, that's one of the most beautiful destinations I have ever been to. You know, I'm a water lover

[01:05:58] @ProfessorStew: Yeah.

[01:05:58] Eric: got some water that will [01:06:00] blow mind.

[01:06:02] @ProfessorStew: Wow.

[01:06:03] Eric: right on the ocean. It's incredible.

[01:06:05] Eric: You gotta go. So

[01:06:06] @ProfessorStew: Okay.

[01:06:06] Eric: that's the whole episode. Let me keep moving. Got distracted. All right. I, so this brother, he's 47 years old, worked for a logistics company in San Diego. He's like, yo, I've been with this company for 11 years. By every visible measure, I'm succeeding. I manage a team of 22. been promoted twice, and my performance reviews are consistently excellent. a problem. I just found out that a 38-year-old white colleague who I actually managed and mentored when he joined the company four years ago, makes $25,000 more than me per year. I asked my manager about it and I was told, let me check into that Stu back to you. What do you all think about this situation?

[01:06:51] Eric: Even if they do correct it, I feel like they already play it.

[01:06:57] @ProfessorStew: Yeah. Um, [01:07:00] they did. I mean, but it's, it's, it's their world, bro. I think we know, as a GenXer I think I've come to, I've come to terms and accept that that's, that's what they do. Um, I, I would, I think to this brother who submitted this, thank you for your submission. You did the right thing, you have the audacity to ask about it.

[01:07:27] @ProfessorStew: Press 'em a little bit. You know, I think you got a e, EOC case. If they don't act right.

[01:07:33] Eric: Sure.

[01:07:34] @ProfessorStew: If you have documents that can prove, you know, um, is the, is the word malfeasance or, you know, whatever, neglect or wrongdoing, I think you got a pretty strong case if you have the data to back it up. But you did the right thing.

[01:07:51] @ProfessorStew: You are not a character from corporate. Um, press 'em and let us know what happens, because I'm curious to know how they show [01:08:00] up. In my mind, they gotta, if they gave him, if he's making 25, you know, you need, you know, an extra 35. You need extra 40 right now, you know? Um. That's fair. Now go ahead. If you want, do 50 k but no extra 40 on top of what you're getting right now.

[01:08:20] @ProfessorStew: They need to go ahead and throw that in there, um, to

[01:08:23] Eric: take.

[01:08:24] @ProfessorStew: that, right? Yeah. Make that right job.

[01:08:27] Eric: I'm gonna give my quick take on this. Um, I'm gonna say a, a phrase that was told to me by older family members when I would share things with them and they would say, you going to do about it? What you gonna do about it? So that would be my take. Like, yeah, they, they paid you 25,000. You already know that. are you going to do from here? Now I'm gonna say this. I've been in that situation before. Same exact situation, almost. What did I do? I had to bust a move. I got out of there and got my money. Now I did try to get [01:09:00] it from that firm. They were like, what are you doing? Discussing salary? And you know, they tried to blame it on me.

[01:09:06] @ProfessorStew: Yeah.

[01:09:07] Eric: got on the phone, called a recruiter and I had to bust a move.

[01:09:11] @ProfessorStew: Mm.

[01:09:11] Eric: advice to you would be, take action. You already know what they did, are you going to do about it?

[01:09:19] @ProfessorStew: Love that. I love that. That's what's up. Good stuff, man.

[01:09:24] Eric: Great show today, Stu. I appreciate you being so, uh, I don't wanna say vulnerable, but I just feel like you were honest about your reality.

[01:09:32] Eric: I tried to do the same. wanna invite you all to come to our next couple of episodes. We got some real good stuff cooking up. One of those is, um, I, I did a poll on, on our YouTube brother,

[01:09:43] @ProfessorStew: Yeah.

[01:09:43] Eric: the question was are, do African Americans have culture?

[01:09:49] @ProfessorStew: Yeah.

[01:09:49] Eric: I think 93% of the respondents said yes. However, when I'm online and talking to different people, the answer is [01:10:00] no.

[01:10:00] @ProfessorStew: Hmm.

[01:10:01] Eric: So we wanna get into that with you all. If you want to be a guest on that episode, let us know. But in the meantime, we want to encourage you to follow us on YouTube, apple characters from corporate submissions. Send those to our email money, six G uh, gen x@gmail.com. We appreciate you rocking with us today. Until next time, peace.